1065 words but still it's just a line in my book.

 Hello for the 1st time. This essay is suppose to be only 350 words, it's actually a task given by my Copy writing lecturer to write about ourselves with dramatic words. Well, since this is my first time write this type of writing, I know there are grammatical error somewhere and maybe the flow is not that smooth, but I'll try to improve myself from time to time. Enjoy reading! 

 A story to be told, a lesson to be learned. This is my story.

My head is aching, my heart is hurting, my feeling is trembling, I’ve been pushed away and pulled back with a gigantic waves. I’ve never encounter with such urging waves like this before. I was once, had a normal life, I was once in a comfort zone, very comfy I can say. It all started to change, the time had come, It comes to my realization that the world is turning and now it’s my turn to be down under. I am the head of my game at that time. I am the head of my head. I was arrogant. I was selfish, I was the baddest child you could never imagine.

2001 - “Go, go, run, run” I yell to my friend. We were running, while escaping from getting caught, all I had in mind was, this is so much fun. This is thrilling. The adrenaline rush makes me feel alive! That was sad isn’t it? I was once corrupted. Yes, I steal people stuff for the sake of – FUN.

2005 – “ I got your sexy back, yeah” I was swinging to the right and yes to the left, I nod my head, I swerve my leg synchronize to the groove. I was under the influence of something something. Something that makes me so fly like a G6. I was once damaged. I take something something for the sake of – FUN.

2006 – “You are suspended from this University for two semesters” the Assistant of Director of the University speaks to me with a killer look, just like the lioness aim for the hyenas in the deserted safari. Yes, that was what I feel at the moment, like I was in the deserted safari, I was alone, standing in the middle of the cracked dirt field, waiting to be hunted down by an ego lioness. “Dung, dung” the sound of the little woody hammer that every convict would never want to hear at the end of a trial. Yes, I was once hunted down. I’ve been suspended from the dearest University due to having – FUN.

Then, I was on top of my own game. I score my CGPA. But I fail to be a good human being, to make me feel even worst, I fail to be a good daughter to my mak and baba.

“Get out from this house you useless child!” “You are not my daughter anymore!” “I don’t want to see your face, I don’t want to hear about you any longer!” I hold myself from crying in front of them. I want to get rid of the tremulous uncomfortable sensation I had in my body. I walked out from my house, ashamed of myself. I think it’s far more worst than being raped. Yes, I was once the unwanted child. I was once being thrown out from my parent’s house due to having so much earthly – FUN.

I’m picking up the broken pieces of me while trying to gasping for a breath. I was drowned, drown in myself. Drown in my own tear, my lung struggling to pump the oxygen because she is crying. I never cry out loud at that time, I was crying inside. Every minute of every day in my life then, my heart was crying. My soul was mourning for a new me. Only a new me can change all of these! I have to change so my organs can live! So that my body will be able to feel. So that I have reasons to live! I don’t want to be a zombie! I don’t want to survive, I want to live!

I bow down and I pray to Allah S.W.T, I beg for my forgiveness. I am smaller than gems, I am so full of shit, I can’t even say the right words to beg for forgiveness. I have done every sin listed, I have checked in my name to the bloody hellhound. All I was able to do was sit there and cry, this time I was crying out loud. I had tears in my eyes, it floods. I speak to Allah with my heart. I feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like I should have die. I should have die if I can’t do right things in life. Yes, I was a sinner. I pray to Allah and beg for forgiveness after experiencing all sorts of FUN in life.

             

            Seize those days. I have decided to STOP doing all those sins I’ve ever done in my younger days. I have slain the demon in me. I am a brand new person right now. I’ve upgraded myself and my lifestyle. I’ve come back home. I hold firmly both mak and baba’s hand with my ten fingers and a palm asking for forgiveness. They forgive me already. I take all responsibility in my family and myself. I am a better person now. A very dearest friend of mine who had been with me throughout bad and good years once told me, “You are now a different person. You realize what you have done is wrong so now you are living out of it, it surprise me that you are a nice person indeed. There’s consciousness and apprehension in every words you say. “I am appalled by his view. I, myself didn’t realize how different I am now and how I affect other people now with me being myself after the transition. That’s how I know how much I’ve change.

            I am now more humble and appreciate whatever comes in life. I keep reminding myself not to take for granted anymore. I have the self-discipline and patience to accomplish anything.  Respect others, they have their dignity and their own thoughts of thinking as I have mine. I am not perfect though, I still do sins, that are what humans do best, but I’ll try to keep my head low and avoid to get involve with other big sins. I’ve had had it.

            Then again, this is only a line in my book. This is only a story. To know me better is to know me. Talk to me, listen to me, you will know the real me. I am not a faker. I am brutally honest, so bear with me as I’ll do the same to you.