Hello for the 1st time. This essay is suppose to be only 350 words, it's actually a task given by my Copy writing lecturer to write about ourselves with dramatic words. Well, since this is my first time write this type of writing, I know there are grammatical error somewhere and maybe the flow is not that smooth, but I'll try to improve myself from time to time. Enjoy reading!
A story to be told, a lesson
to be learned. This is my story.
My head is aching, my heart
is hurting, my feeling is trembling, I’ve been pushed away and pulled back with
a gigantic waves. I’ve never encounter with such urging waves like this before.
I was once, had a normal life, I was once in a comfort zone, very comfy I can
say. It all started to change, the time had come, It comes to my realization
that the world is turning and now it’s my turn to be down under. I am the head
of my game at that time. I am the head of my head. I was arrogant. I was
selfish, I was the baddest child you could never imagine.
2001 - “Go, go, run, run” I
yell to my friend. We were running, while escaping from getting caught, all I
had in mind was, this is so much fun. This is thrilling. The adrenaline rush
makes me feel alive! That was sad isn’t it? I was once corrupted. Yes, I steal
people stuff for the sake of – FUN.
2005 – “ I got your sexy
back, yeah” I was swinging to the right and yes to the left, I nod my head, I
swerve my leg synchronize to the groove. I was under the influence of something
something. Something that makes me so fly like a G6. I was once damaged. I take
something something for the sake of – FUN.
2006 – “You are suspended
from this University for two semesters” the Assistant of Director of the
University speaks to me with a killer look, just like the lioness aim for the
hyenas in the deserted safari. Yes, that was what I feel at the moment, like I
was in the deserted safari, I was alone, standing in the middle of the cracked
dirt field, waiting to be hunted down by an ego lioness. “Dung, dung” the sound
of the little woody hammer that every convict would never want to hear at the
end of a trial. Yes, I was once hunted down. I’ve been suspended from the
dearest University due to having – FUN.
Then, I was on top of my own
game. I score my CGPA. But I fail to be a good human being, to make me feel even
worst, I fail to be a good daughter to my mak and baba.
“Get out from this house you
useless child!” “You are not my daughter anymore!” “I don’t want to see your
face, I don’t want to hear about you any longer!” I hold myself from crying in
front of them. I want to get rid of the tremulous uncomfortable sensation I had
in my body. I walked out from my house, ashamed of myself. I think it’s far
more worst than being raped. Yes, I was once the unwanted child. I was once
being thrown out from my parent’s house due to having so much earthly – FUN.
I’m picking up the broken
pieces of me while trying to gasping for a breath. I was drowned, drown in
myself. Drown in my own tear, my lung struggling to pump the oxygen because she
is crying. I never cry out loud at that time, I was crying inside. Every minute
of every day in my life then, my heart was crying. My soul was mourning for a
new me. Only a new me can change all of these! I have to change so my organs
can live! So that my body will be able to feel. So that I have reasons to live!
I don’t want to be a zombie! I don’t want to survive, I want to live!
I bow down and I pray to
Allah S.W.T, I beg for my forgiveness. I am smaller than gems, I am so full of
shit, I can’t even say the right words to beg for forgiveness. I have done
every sin listed, I have checked in my name to the bloody hellhound. All I was
able to do was sit there and cry, this time I was crying out loud. I had tears
in my eyes, it floods. I speak to Allah with my heart. I feel so ashamed of
myself. I feel like I should have die. I should have die if I can’t do right
things in life. Yes, I was a sinner. I pray to Allah and beg for forgiveness
after experiencing all sorts of FUN in life.
Seize
those days. I have decided to STOP doing all those sins I’ve ever done in my
younger days. I have slain the demon in me. I am a brand new person right now.
I’ve upgraded myself and my lifestyle. I’ve come back home. I hold firmly both
mak and baba’s hand with my ten fingers and a palm asking for forgiveness. They
forgive me already. I take all responsibility in my family and myself. I am a
better person now. A very dearest friend of mine who had been with me
throughout bad and good years once told me, “You are now a different person.
You realize what you have done is wrong so now you are living out of it, it
surprise me that you are a nice person indeed. There’s consciousness and
apprehension in every words you say. “I am appalled by his view. I, myself
didn’t realize how different I am now and how I affect other people now with me
being myself after the transition. That’s how I know how much I’ve change.
I am now
more humble and appreciate whatever comes in life. I keep reminding myself not
to take for granted anymore. I have the self-discipline and patience to
accomplish anything. Respect others,
they have their dignity and their own thoughts of thinking as I have mine. I am
not perfect though, I still do sins, that are what humans do best, but I’ll try
to keep my head low and avoid to get involve with other big sins. I’ve had had
it.
Then
again, this is only a line in my book. This is only a story. To know me better
is to know me. Talk to me, listen to me, you will know the real me. I am not a
faker. I am brutally honest, so bear with me as I’ll do the same to you.
